Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
