Will you blow on my dice?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
