New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
