Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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