I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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