so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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