can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
