I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize