my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
