The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
