He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
