apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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