Im at strip club and am horny
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My vagina is officially offended.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
