I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
