i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
