I think my fart just growled at me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
