**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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