i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
