I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
