Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
