She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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