omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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