the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
