he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize