areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
