I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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