I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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