I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
