I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
