I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
