I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
