Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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