Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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