i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
