omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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