I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize