apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
