Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
