Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
