I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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