Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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