im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
