Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
