You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
