i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
