just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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