I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I died a long time ago.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
