Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
