I think scott just propositioned me for sex
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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