I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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