But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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