Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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