Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
