she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
