i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You were trust falling into bushes
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
