dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
