Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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