Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
