i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
it's like heaven, but drunker
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
