Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
