You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
