Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
did you just send me my own nude
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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